Mark Manson explores a common fantasy we all share: the desire to not care about what others think of us. Despite our fantasies of perfect confidence and imperviousness to opinions, the reality is much different. In this post, we’ll delve into why we care about others’ opinions and how to better manage this concern.

1. Why We Care What Others Think

1.1 The Human Condition

Caring about what others think is a natural part of being human. It makes us empathetic, compassionate, and sociable beings. Imagining a world where we don’t care about others’ opinions would result in a lack of empathy and compassion.

1.2 Evolutionary Perspective

Human intelligence and sociability are our evolutionary superpowers. For most of human history, we lived in small tribes where social relationships were crucial for survival. Social rejection was akin to a death sentence, making us highly sensitive to others’ opinions.

2. Modern Life and Social Validation

2.1 Choosing Your Tribe

Unlike our ancestors, we can choose our social circles. We can change tribes if we face rejection, seeking validation from people who genuinely respect and admire us.

2.2 The Problem of Petty People

Many people care too much about others’ opinions because they are surrounded by petty, selfish individuals. Instead of trying to impress such people, seek out those who uplift and inspire you.

3. The Harsh Truth

3.1 Finding Something More Important

If you care too much about what others think, it’s likely because you don’t have something more important to focus on. When you have a mission or passion that matters more, others’ opinions will take a backseat.

3.2 The Burning Building Example

Imagine a scenario where you have to save a baby from a burning building. In such a moment, others’ opinions are irrelevant. This extreme example illustrates that having a significant purpose diminishes the importance of social validation.

Conclusion

You’ll stop caring about others’ opinions when you find something more important to care about. Focus on your passions and beliefs, and the need for external validation will diminish. Ironically, this is also the moment when others start respecting you.

FAQs

Why do we care about what others think?

Caring about others’ opinions is a natural part of being human, essential for empathy, compassion, and social relationships.

How can I stop caring about others’ opinions?

Find something more important to focus on. A significant mission or passion will make others’ opinions less relevant.

What should I do if I’m surrounded by petty people?

Seek out people who inspire and uplift you. Surround yourself with individuals who genuinely respect and admire you.